Have several drafts all in my blogger, but i guess i deleted them away.
Cos i felt that i can easily update them again anytime later.
I guess i'm on the damn verge of breakdown,
or i already have did.
Been thinking a lot these few days,
and finally i guess i've really set to come to tell myself that everything should come to an end.
Time and being so nice isn't a problem.
It's just that from now on,
i should limit myself to whom i care for, and how much i care for anyone.
isn't this so fucking stupid of myself?
Sometimes, lots of thing / people aren't worth it, neither worth my time,
yet i still care for them. too bad, then end up i got upset.
Guess this is just called gehpalan. Extra calefare.
(:
Butter Factory was yesterday.
Initially, Eloise, JoJo and Me wanted to get pretty much drunk.
I managed to get mad high and drunk prolly easily, Because i pretty much drank on a very empty stomach,
and i drank damn fast.
JagerBomb was nice i swear. Gonna try tequila Pop soon someday.
(:
I guess i pretty much made everyone troublesome too ,
Prolly they won't see this, but i thank Jeffy and Susu for carrying me out of Butterfactory.
And finally i puked a little, gastric juice. Oops. Haha, Maybe like what wee said, my stomach got hole :x
Monkey Partner Huiling was kinda troubled, but i didn't dare to probe much because i didnt want her to be upset again.
She and moses brought me to esplanade,
and Eloise wasn't drunk :x
Probably i care about everyone too much that everyone feels irritated,
just that they won't tell me? (:
And finally, somehow things came to light.
I love everyone there. Like seriously.
They're so nice . (: never once i've worked with such nice people ,
they totally made me happy and made working at tornado so fun.
One day , when i explode, i could have just smacked myself right in the face , without mentioning everything.
I had enough. (: i guess i really did that i've come to the extent of lying to myself further.
I'm 19 this year, time for me to be really matured i guess.
Honestly speaking, i feel that im matured.
It's just that i still want to act childish.
Because being matured isn't really a good thing .
You tend to fake up all your emotions,
and you tend to fake your smiles.
I guess i can't possibly be matured all the time, as it might spoil some people's mood.
Being so fake of my own problems/emotions is just kinda tiring.
觉得，我和你，是时候回到从前，刚认识的时候了。
也许自私，但我会努力，画下有些对你关心的界限，
以免以后，越陷再越深，我不想到不能挽回的地步。
也许你不知到，我也假笑到我累了。
Feel like going drinking again after butterfactory.
but never mind.
Guess i have to see a doctor soon about my breathing problems.
It's been going on for 5months already.
everytime i drink, i can't breathe properly.
oh well.
better off dead i guess.
Nineteen 
